Category Archives: Uncategorized

Waiting room

Checklist for the “put back” or transfer as I can never seem to remember. Valium on board. Bladder full. Clumsy a bit because my monkey mind started swinging rom the branches 2.5h before the transfer, threatened to evolve into a … Continue reading

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Childlessness at the Crossroads

Exciting day! My piece Childlessness at the Crossroads went up on Brain Child Magazine’s website. http://www.brainchildmag.com/2013/08/childlessness-at-the-crossroads/ Thanks to everyone who made it possible, especially Dan.

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Wouldn’t That Be Lovely?

Katy Horan Wouldn’t That Be Lovely? Like most people with infertility, I limp through my waning fertility like a returned Civil War veteran. To first glance, I look fine, but the shrapnel of our failures fester beneath my clothes and … Continue reading

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Ovaries Not Required

Although ovaries are not my specialty, I know them more intimately than most women going through infertility treatment. In my medical training, I held the shrunken ovaries of post-menopausal women during dissection. During my internal medicine training, I felt them … Continue reading

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http://www.modernloverejects.com/

Check out my essay on Modern Love Rejects!

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Tick Tock, Tick Tock

Last fall, my husband, Dan, and I were hiking at Larrabee State Park to celebrate our second wedding anniversary.  Our dog, Jack, trotted alongside us.  We descended through the verdant silence of the firs and madronas and emerged on the … Continue reading

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How Target Sold Me Out Along with My Empty Uterus

When I started this blog, I was in the still hopeful early stage of infertility.  I’ve moved into the middle age of infertility.  It comes with acceptance and an edginess about our lack of childbearing.  The acceptance allows us to think of other options like childlessness and adoption.  The edginess gives me license to talk back and work the guilt factor.

Earlier this year, my teenage mentee had a baby.  We went on a Target shopping spree to make sure she had everything she needed.  About six weeks later, I started receiving baby magazines, coupons for baby merchandise, and offers of life insurance congratulating me on my new birth.

I love Target.   I love the promise of a better home and look that the red symbol holds.  It has buoyed me with retail therapy most of my life.  It like my box store best friend.  How could my BSBF do this to me?  Their transgression is explained by NYT article attached.

I tried to email Target to demand an apology and cry “uncle”, but their website only allows 500 characters to communicate how their flippant use and assumptions of my purchasing habits is crushing my soul.

Here’s a copy of the email I would have liked to share:

SourceURL:file://localhost/Users/kthoran/Documents/My%20Writing/Memoir%20Class/Dear%20Target.doc

Dear Target,

 

I was once a regular Target shopper, but I will not be anymore and I’m writing to tell you why.

 

For the last two years, my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant.  Infertility degrades your confidence and your sense of self.  I tell you this, because you may not know the additive pain and misery of monthly cycles of hope and disappointment.  You may not know how hard it is to smile when all your friends get pregnant, but you don’t.  You may not know what it’s like to inject yourself in the buttock and belly in hopes of getting pregnant. 

 

What you do know it that I bought baby goods at your store.  What you don’t know is that I didn’t buy them for myself, but for a teenage mother that I mentor.    And because of those purchases, I am getting DAILY reminders of my lack of motherhood.  I received a baby magazine that I certainly did not sign up for.  I received congratulations on my baby coupons.  I received an invitation to buy life insurance.

 

Thank you for selling my personal information.  Thank you for selling me and my empty womb out. 

 

As part of my appreciation, I will avoid your store until I receive some form of meaningful apology and a retraction of my personal information from the companies with whom you do business.  I would especially appreciate documentation of that retraction.

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Babylust

Baby lust. You disappear for weeks and sneak up beside me as I am walking down the hill the the light rail. I can feel your weight on my left hip, the ghost toddler, whispering half words in my ear. … Continue reading

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Sunday easy side up

The NYT Sunday crossword is a lot easier when you haven’t spent Saturday night licking the bottom of a wine glass.  Lying in bed with your husband without a hangover  hitting the replay button of all the stupid things I … Continue reading

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The county clinic waiting room

I’ve been in the waiting room for over an hour, the air conditioning vibrating the chair beneath me.  The photos on the wall have faded in the sun and the chair next to me has ulcerated it’s faded Miami Vice … Continue reading

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